This is an excerpt from my struggle journal, dated September 9, 2007, when I was deep into depression. It shows how God can help us even in our most terrible moments.
“Today was an incredibly bad day. I self-medicated with Buspar at 8 a.m. and Inderal at noon, and my anxiety brought on an attack that was one of the worst to date. I was in a panic. I called my sister, my brother, and my psychiatrist. Then I laid down in the bedroom and let go and let Jesus bring in the exchanged life – His life for mine – instead of imagining the exchange in my mind as I had done the previous day with my brother as a guide [my brother is a psychotherapist].
“This time God pulled my mind, will, and emotions into
my spirit in the shape of a heart. He then went into my mind that was left and cleared it out, and asked if I wanted Jesus to take over my mind, will, and emotions (my soul). I said, ‘Yes!’
“I had tried to do it my way, and now He was doing it His way. I felt a peace come over me. The heart palpitations stopped, my stomach stopped roiling, and I ate a supper with my wife and son that was normal, a good appetite. Yes, for once I actually had an appetite.
“Praise the Lord for His great mercy to me.”
Was this the end of my depression and anxiety? No, it was an interlude that the Lord periodically gave me to give me hope that one day all this would end. It was three years later when my depression and anxiety finally lifted, as I slowly, slowly was brought into the condition I am in today – stability. [The following sequence is from Tom Wootton.] I had gone through the three stages of depression disorder – crisis, managed, recovery – and had reached the second stage of depression in-order – freedom, stability, and self-mastery. Tom Wootton and his sequence of courses for depression in-order were part of my healing of the soul. Knowledge and understanding is a great tool to triumphing over depression. And the exchanged life was part of my healing of the spirit. Add the healing of the body, and you have a powerful combination that can push your cloud of depression to the far ends of the earth.