Journal Entry April 10, 2015

This is a recent post from  James Edgar Skye.

This is similar to how I fared with depression, as explained in my book How I Escaped from Depression. Purchase Link

Journal Entry April 10, 2015

I really wonder the point. Why am I here? Depression has become such a huge part of my life that in a way it has become me. That really sucks. I have been racking my brain about what a first entry would look like, but all that has filled my mind lately is my depression. So here is all that is on my mind.

I worry that everything in my life is falling apart. But, in reality, the truth is most of my life is constant chaos. Mostly because my life is a mess. My biggest trait in life is that I lie about everything. I tell people that I am okay, but the truth is I am hanging by a thread. I never really got better. It has become so easy to pretend because it has actually gotten worse.

I pretend I want to live when the reality is every night my last thought is that I wish not to wake up. I am falling apart and no one actually knows the truth. My life is about pretending that it could get better. There really is no hope for someone like me. People like me, outsiders, are just that, outside of the normal.

I have lived my life wrong and now I am at the point where all my hope of moving on is gone. I just turned thirty today and I am not looking forward to what is ahead. Honestly, I never thought I would make it to thirty. But, here I am. So here is my first real journal entry in a long time. I am not sure where to go from here, but I will share my thoughts however dark, in this place.

About Patrick Day

In 2010, I escaped from four long years of deep, dark depression. This blog shares lessons I learned from those years as depicted in my autobiography - How I Escaped from Depression - as well as other insights about depression and anxiety that only come from someone who has gone through it. When you have a heart attack, you become an expert in heart attacks. When you have diabetes, you become an expert in that condition. As such, I am an expert in depression, with a four-year experiential degree and graduate studies in how to live a life going forward that keeps the ever-lurking Depression at a healthy distance.
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