DEPRESSION IS LIKE A REAL PERSON
This excerpt comes from a book I wrote called How I Escaped from Depression, which can be seen on the following link: amazon
Then Depression – that destroyer of my soul and afflicter of my body – took over every fabric of my being. You’ll notice I refer to Depression as a real person. You see, he’s as real as the fellow next door, as authentic as the person who comes to clean your rugs. Before this time, there was a me controlled by me, the normal state of a person. Now the me was controlled by Depression, with the normal me thrown under a bus. If I were a woman, Depression would be a her.
Depression is not some nebulous, wispy thing best left unmentioned. He’s a real enemy, intent on destroying his victims, men and women, boys and girls. He won’t go away by just ignoring him.
For four years, two people struggled against each other to command my body and control my soul (that is, my mind, will, and emotions). One was me. The other was Depression.
This is similar to how I fared with depression, as explained in my book How I Escaped from Depression. Purchase Link
Journal Entry April 10, 2015
I really wonder the point. Why am I here? Depression has become such a huge part of my life that in a way it has become me. That really sucks. I have been racking my brain about what a first entry would look like, but all that has filled my mind lately is my depression. So here is all that is on my mind.
I worry that everything in my life is falling apart. But, in reality, the truth is most of my life is constant chaos. Mostly because my life is a mess. My biggest trait in life is that I lie about everything. I tell people that I am okay, but the truth is I am hanging by a thread. I never really got better. It has become so easy to pretend because it has actually gotten worse.
I pretend I want to live when the reality is every night my last thought is that I wish not to wake up. I am falling apart and no one actually knows the truth. My life is about pretending that it could get better. There really is no hope for someone like me. People like me, outsiders, are just that, outside of the normal.
I have lived my life wrong and now I am at the point where all my hope of moving on is gone. I just turned thirty today and I am not looking forward to what is ahead. Honestly, I never thought I would make it to thirty. But, here I am. So here is my first real journal entry in a long time. I am not sure where to go from here, but I will share my thoughts however dark, in this place.
MY FAMILIAR COMPANION
I follow James Edgar Skye on his blog called Bipolar Writer James Edgar Skye.
He posted this entry in which he refers to depression as his familiar companion. In my book, How I Escaped from Depression, I refer to Depression as my old friend, just as he does. I can relate to how he expresses what depression does to him. It did so to me during the four years of my bout with clinical depression.
It’s been a while, my friend. You often leave me for small periods of time where I feel more like myself, and less like the person who has no control. You walk out just as quickly as you walk back into my life.
When you are here, I lose control. Even if its temporary.
We are old friends, who often find ourselves in the darkest of places, in the worst possible ways in the depths of my mind. I never had a relationship quite like the one that you and I have had—depression my familiar companion.
Three days ago you told me, “It’s going to be a long few days my friend.”
I didn’t believe you, and you laughed in my face. You told me we will be in a familiar place and that I would not be able to shake you.
It’s true. You never really leave me. You come into my life at the most inopportune times when I need to focus. You take that best parts of me. You take my will to be creative. To write. To function. I know I must fight you.
My familiar companion. Taking me to the deepest and darkest places of my mind. I might as well embrace you as a family member. For that is what you are to me.
HOW I ESCAPED FROM DEPRESSION
You haven’t heard from me for some time. Now that I have been free for seven years from the Depression that threatened to undo me, I feel it is time to tell my story of those awful four years from 2006 to 2010. The Amazon link above outlines what the book is about and also allows you to purchase it online.
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Some of you have told me I need to make it simpler to sign onto my new blog – The Melody of the Holy Spirit. Like provide a link and clear instructions. Here it is.
Click on this link. melody33.com. Then look on the right side of the page. Your email address will probably be shown in a box. If not, put it in and hit the subscribe button. You will then receive an email asking you to confirm the request. Hit the confirm button and you’re in business. Thanks.
Paul was speaking about salvation in 2 Corinthians 5:17 when he wrote, “The old has gone the new has come.” I hope he won’t mind if I apply his message to the subject of blogs. Or, rather, I hope the Holy Spirit doesn’t mind, since He’s the one who inspired Paul to write what he wrote in the first place.
The Holy Spirit has encouraged me to write a new blog dedicated to Him, entitled The Melody of the Holy Spirit. You can visit the new site at melody33.com, and I encourage you to do so. And if you’re so inclined, I invite you to follow the new blog by subscribing to it on the right side of the page. It’s quite simple, given the wonders of technology. Your email address may even be in the box.
I thank all you, my followers, and the thousands of visits to this blog site during the three years of its existence. The present site will remain intact for at least a year, but I won’t be adding new blogs, unless something dramatic shows up on my doorstep.
A man who triumphed over depression by the grace of God